I was stuck on a self-esteem issue and found it hard to get myself unstuck. I asked a fellow coach whom I had work with before and within minutes i was reorganising things in ways I could not only cope with them, but start having thigns as I wanted them. Once you have this experience, you wonder why you allowed yourself to stay stuck for any length of time at all. I was the “client” below.
With ten minutes and two questions, Judy Rees facilitated a change with a client who felt disorientated and was experiencing low self-esteem. The client was practised in Clean Language, but it can be very difficult to coach oneself well and quickly.
9:00 Client’s situation:
I was overwhelmed with multiple situations where I felt responsible for rescuing people, fixing things, correcting interpretations by other people, planning the long term future and making people happy. My self-esteem was suffering because I expected more of myself. After several hours of chasing my tail trying to coach myself, I had a metaphor for only one part of the problem; swimming with weights attached. I had previously done sessions with Judy and feeling bigger than the problem had helped, but that wasn’t helping this time.
Then I spontaneously contacted Judy as she happened to be on Facebook. We used the text-based chat function. We could neither see not hear each other, but it’s easy to imagine one is in conversation. The transcript below was copied by the client from Facebook with minimal editing so it makes sense and removes unnecessary detail. The times are real.
Client says:
The new website looks beautiful.
11:42
Judy says:
thanks!
11:43
Client says:
Your CL sessions are now £x for 3, is that right?
11:43
Judy says:
…why do you ask?
11:44
Client says:
I’ve spent the last few hours [coaching myself using Clean Language and Clean Space]; it’s slow [to coach yourself when you feel disorientated]
11:45
Client says:
[I’m in]a bind; I’ll feel bad if I get a concession and I can’t afford a proper rate.
11:48
Judy says:
and when a bind, what would you like to have happen?
[Judy initiates a quick Clean Language question with an occasional client]
11:48
Client says:
…
that much I finally got, kind of
I want a metaphor to encapsulate my many things going on
one is swimming but being dragged down by a weight
11:49
Client says:
and being blamed second hand for swimming badly
11:50
Judy & client arrange a price and time for a session that afternoon.
Judy says:
meanwhile, consider “and when swimming and weight and being blamed… what would you like to have happen?”
[By giving two outcome oriented questions and the promise of her usual excellent attention later and the illusion of it now (this was all on Facebook chat with text only), Judy facilitated a change in the client.]
11:57
Client says:
I’ve since got a metaphor of a circus ground with lots of traps in it; one probably being the swimming/ weight area. Being big doesn’t stop me being trapped. I’ll work on all that
11:57
Judy says:
grand, speak at 3
11:57
The conversation ended.
Within 10 minutes, the client had been able to expand on his metaphor himself. He was a circus owner. The customers weren’t happy and wouldn’t sit down. The animal owners hadn’t secured their animals. They were roaming around and people were unnecessarily scared. We needed more customers, animals and money. And the big tent had holes in it letting in rain and wind.
The metaphor gave an experience of the multiple, tricky problems that the client was experiencing. When trying to fix one thing, something else would need one’s attention more.
Yet the metaphor also contained an empowering perspective. It made it very easy for the client to survey the scene (get an overview) and know that his self-esteem was okay (he wasn’t directly responsible for everything). It was much easier to sense what was important and urgent as well as what was feasible today. It was a matter of holding people to their responsibilities and ensuring procedures could be enforced. An appealing offer could then be made to the customers for the show to go on.
15:00
The client felt unstuck and empowered. He didn’t need the session that day and agree a rate with Judy for the 10 mins coaching earlier as well as terms for future impromptu facilitation sessions.
Without much knowledge of what a Life Coach is and does, I agreed to work with Brian Birch as I have suffered from chronic depression for many years.
Part of my depression is a direct result from having low self-esteem. Mr. Birch indicated that he had skills and methods in coaching people to gain a happier existence. I have had extensive professional help from countless people. Yet, in my sixties, I still struggle with feeling less than enough. Therefore, I am open to learn more about myself in order to determine how best I can live and be around others.
Brian Birch has perfected his ability to reach inner core issues by being affirming and following a prescribed manner of questioning. At times, I was annoyed with the deepening of questions that kept me thinking and talking more than I wanted to do. However, I found that I had disclosed more about my inner self to him in a short few hours than I have in years of counselling by doctors and other trained therapists. This man has something BIG going for him. I would recommend him as a person to work with if you want to have more peace in your life so that you might find the happiness that you deserve.
Janice Reynolds
Edmond, Oklahoma
United States of America
May 9, 2010
Here are comments from clients and other people I have coached.
“… helpful talking to you, you give me your reflections…it brought out what I already know, what was in front of my eyes. You know it but you deny it maybe. I find it really helpful how you talk and explain things, I think you’re sharp on that.”
Client Sheila, Italy
Here are comments from clients and other people I have coached.
“That’s sweet”. J used his New Zealand expression a lot. J was determined to retain his bachelor status despite admitting being smitten by a new flame. After I encouraged him to hop on a plane to pursue the girl, he ended up emmigrating to be with her and walking her down the aisle a little over a year later.
JB, London, now Chicago
Here are comments from clients and other people I have coached.
Following a coaching session on setting up a small business:
“It was great to talk to someone on a similar journey and thanks for the powerful clean thinking session. You are certainly making excellent use off the tool.”
Client G, a comment after a trial session
Here are comments from clients and other people I have coached.
“I know Brian to be an attentive and thoughtful coach and facilitator and recommend him as a personal relationships coach. It was a privilege to train with him.”
Rupert Meese, NLP Master Practitioner , Lightmind NLP Practice
www. ZenListening .com
Comments from clients and other people I have coached.
Good luck with your new house and further coaching work. You are an exceptional guy!! Hope to see you sometime in the future.
Client M., South East London
Here are comments from clients and other people I have coached.
“I’ve been struggling with this issue for two years and have tried all sorts of therapies on it. Now, within one 90 minute session, the change is almost complete.”
Client E, North London
Here are comments from clients and other people I have coached.
“I’ve just finished a clean language session with Brian, who helped me untangle the complicated knot of thoughts and feelings that have been holding me back. Brian combined a gentle and supportive style with tough and challenging questions which meant I could stop tiptoeing around my issue, and sort it out properly. I came away feeling positive, and clear about exactly what I need to do next to take responsibility for myself and my happiness.”
Melissa Mehta
Personal and Project Coaching
www. Melissa Mehta .com
Here are comments from clients and other people I have coached.
“A lot of my time here has been quite challenging….Of all the psychotherapists and coaches that I’ve ever seen, Brian is really, really good at understanding and making sense of things. I would consider that Brian has a gift for this.”
Client S, Slovenia
