It doesn’t always equate to self-esteem, but this seems a related area.

A woman on a plane I was on recently was verbally aggressive with her child and cursed at her.  I told the cabin staff and told the woman I’d report her if she persisted.  She got indignant but eventually went quiet.  Part of her defense was my lack of clear legal authority and we had no reference to social care guidelines.  So I’ve looked up the NSPCC website which talks about emotional abuse in the following ways.  For me it also links to other types of abuse such as bullying and (psychological) domestic violence.

For the purpose of the child protection system, the Department of Health employs the following definition of emotional abuse:

‘Emotional abuse is the persistent emotional ill-treatment of a child such as to cause severe and persistent adverse effects on the child’s emotional development. It may involve conveying to children that they are worthless or unloved, inadequate, or valued only insofar as they meet the needs of another person. It may feature age or developmentally inappropriate expectations being imposed on children. It may involve causing children frequently to feel frightened or in danger, or the exploitation or corruption of children. Some level of emotional abuse is involved in all types of ill treatment of a child, though it may occur alone’. (Department of Health et al, 1999, p.5-6)

Garbarino et al’s influential work defines psychological maltreatment as ‘a concerted attack by an adult on a child’s development of self and social competence’ (Garbarino et al, 1986, cited in Iwaniec, 1997, p.372). They propose five categories of damaging caregiver behaviours:

• rejecting: behaviours which communicate or constitute abandonment of the child;
• isolating: preventing the child from participating in normal social interaction activities;
• terrorising: threatening the child with severe punishment, or deliberately cultivating a climate of fear or threat;
• ignoring: where the caregiver is psychologically unavailable to the child and fails to respond to the child’s behaviour; and
• corrupting: caregiver behaviour which encourages the child to develop false social values that reinforce antisocial or deviant behavioural patterns (Garbarino et al, 1986 cited in Tomison and Tucci, 1997).

Hart et al build on Garbarino et al’s typology above, identifying six categories of adult behaviour towards children considered to be emotionally abusive:

• spurning: both verbal and nonverbal degrading and rejecting of a child;
• exploiting/corrupting: encouraging children to develop behaviours that are self-destructive or mis-socialising;
• terrorising: includes behaviour that threatens or is likely to place the child or child’s loved ones in danger;
• denying emotional responsiveness: ignoring a child’s attempt to interact, or interacting without emotion;
• isolating: involves caregiver behaviours that prevent a child from interacting with children or adults outside the home; and
• mental health, medical and emotional neglect (Hart et al, 1995 cited in Geffner and Rossman, 1998, p.2).

NSPCC Emotional Child Abuse
Contacting the NSPCC Helpline

We worked through a mock-session where she “played client”.  She felt it was exploratory and it clarified her goals.  She helpfully gave some tips for further development.

I will probably explore the demand for CL services (self-esteem/other, coaching/ training; funded/ voluntary).  If anyone is interested in exploring this with me, let me know.  I’m thinking of focusing on, say 6 months + after the domestic violence has finished and other have helped with practical issues.

For some reason I feel the need to clarify that I don’t have any experience of domestic violence;  I’m interested in useful ways to use Clean Language.

Here are some links I’ve placed here, mostly as a note to myself.

http://www.hiddenhurt.co.uk/Articles/survivor.htm

http://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-violence-survivors-handbook.asp?section=0001000100080001

http://www.wadv.org/Survivors.htm

http://www.ivillage.co.uk/relationships/challenge/survive/articles/0,,181942_654729,00.html

Kathryn Allen (Twitter @iAmMade4This) has been talking about self esteem and Domestic Violence.  So I’m not the only one talking about overcoming low self esteem.

• When school starts next month, I will be starting a domestic violence program. Be on the lookout, b/c I’m looking to change a lot of lives.
• The purpose of this program is to free a lot of women/men who feel trapped in their relationship, build character, and self esteem.
• I want them to know that this program will be a safe haven for them come to in confidence, to feel safe, and know they are not alone.
• I’m on a mission to stop this horrific trend of domestic violence that has become so popular.
• The name of the program is called Get Out and Live! RT if you like the idea!

Kathryn, I hope you will let me know more about the program later.

I’m considering offering limited free coaching sessions on raising or overcoming low self esteem for those affected by domestic violence or abuse.  A victim’s helpline suggested I also offer support to charities aiming to get rehabilitate perpetrators too.

I expect to be the second stage of help.  So a person should call the existing helplines to get advice on safety, legal, refuge, relationship or family issues.  Sessions with me would be about using self esteem to make the situation better.  I aim it as a slow but long term solution that would happen after most other interventions.

It might help in these situations:

• after violence or abuse has stopped, the male or female abused person is seeking to raise or overcome low self esteem;
• the situation is being monitored by a separate, trusted organisation and he male or female abused person is seeking to raise or overcome low self esteem;
• the male or female (the facts say there are both) violent or abusive person is being monitored by a separate, trusted organisation and is in a rehabilitation programme and that person is seeking to raise or overcome low self esteem.

Here’s what I write about the Six Pillars of Self-Esteem.

Please contact me if you think overcoming low self-esteem will help.

One group of people who may be overcoming low self-esteem are those affected by domestic violence.

I’ve contacted some charities to see what self-esteem issues people have around this issue.  I’m obviously against abuse of any sort but my stereotypical views have been challenges in a few ways.  A few things surprised me.  It’s not just angry men hitting their wives, please have an open mind to the facts if you read on.    I’m on the side of those who want to stop the violence, not those who want to generalise and deny some facts.

I want to focus on the self-esteem side, not the relationship, legal, family or safety side.  If you would like to raise your self-esteem, I’m happy to do blogs and video blogs to help.

Abuse includes power and control; financial abuse; breaching court orders regarding children; verbal abuse, threatening behaviour; emotional and psychological abuse; sexual abuse; isolation;  and false allegations.

Womens’ aid provides resettlement, telephone counselling and other services.

in 1999, in the US, 1,218 women and 424 men were killed by an intimate partner, regardless of which partner started the violence and of the gender of the partner. In the US, in 2005, 1181 females and 329 males were killed by their intimate partners. ()
Wikipedia

Mankind deal with female on male domestic abuse

• One in six men will be a victim of domestic abuse in their lifetime, by their female partner
• “it was like building a sandcastle on the beach…  a wave would come along and smash it down and that what she did.”
• Female on male abuse goes against stereo types.  Men don’t want to be told they can be beaten up by women.  Women don’t want to be told they can be violent; it goes against femininity.  One victim found police don’t believe him when he reported it (see BBC site).
• Stories of female on male abuse includes being hit with an iron from behind, being push down stairs and having his fingers caught in a door.
• It didn’t surprise me to hear that men, when victims, can feel small, useless and need to see them selves as worthwhile.  Mankind provide details of groups for men to go to.

Tryangle offer services to men and women, including a service for men who abuse their partners and want to stop.

Broken Rainbow provide support for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) people experiencing domestic violence.

Sources of content and quotes include the site above and this sites.

Other sites:

http://helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm

I’m not an expert in knowing the signs of or how to prevent domestic violence or abuse.  I am happy to work with victims or perpetrators who want to end the abuse and violence in the area of overcoming low self-esteem.

Self-esteem is about caring for yourself, asserting yourself, dealing with the challenges of life, trusting yourself and believing you are a worthwhile and loveable person.  I use coaching methods to help people in overcoming low self-esteem.

Click here for videos andblogs about overcoming low self-esteem (not generally domestic abuse related).