I coached a client on overcoming low self-esteem to help her at a job interview.  If someone doesn’t think she deserves a job and is worried about it, the challenge is often one of self-esteem, not just confidence in good interview preparation.  Click on the video, set outside Westminster Abbey in London, near the coaching session, for more details.

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This video discusses a twitter quote that links to overcoming low self-esteem:

• It completely ruins my fragile self-esteem when someone follows me, reads my tweets, realizes I’m not interesting, and then unfollows. Sigh.

Nathaniel Branden’s six pillars of self-esteem are:

Brian Birch explains how you can succeed in overcoming low self-esteem.
The Six pillars are
-Personal Integrity
-Living Consciously
-Self-Responsibility
-Self-Acceptance
-Self-Assertiveness
-Living Purposefully

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Six Pillars of Self Esteem Nathaniel Branden and Overcoming low self-esteem

Click on the video to hear about the link between sunny weather and having good self-esteem.

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Melanie Fennell, in her book “Overcoming low self-esteem” provides a useful diagram on the sequence of thoughts, beliefs and emotions of self-esteem.

The diagram talks about how early childhood experiences may lead on to an assessment of our own value. We may then have guidelines to live by and experience situations that trigger negative feelings. Then there may be a cycle of negative predictions, anxiety, unhelpful behaviour, depression, self-critical thoughts and confirmation of our low self-worth.

Now I had some challenges setting up this coaching business, so I’d like to use those to try out this diagram.

I can find a trigger point when I couldn’t get the video to appear on the blog. And some rules for living that I could improve – not just settling for one result when I know I can do better.

But I don’t think I have a fundamentally poor view of myself; in fact I can always distinguish between things not going well and me being pathetic.
I’m missing a part of the model. So does that mean I’ve broken the CBT model? What if I don’t work that way? Am I not normal?

Stepping back from that, I like to coach people by finding out the model that exists for them. Listen to the beat of their drum if you like, rather than the tune they are being told to play.

I do this by asking open questions that help the client and I both discover the dance movements, the rhythm and the flow. We find out what the current situation is, what the client wants and how to get that. If we worked together, you’d never have to look for a piece of a jigsaw I was giving you; there is only what you notice and what you want.

So in my example, by expressing the difficulties of website and business, it allowed me to get if off my chest and then notice the good things. Like spring cleaning, I was able to wipe away the dust and let my enthusiasm come out. And that’s a useful metaphor for me to explore further some time.

Do you know of any metaphors you use in overcoming low self-esteem?