Someone on twitter talked about parents supporting self-esteem in a way that means they ensure all the children get a trophy on sports day. I’ve even heard of a school cancelling its sports day because some children felt sad when they lost.
Overcoming-low-self-esteem.com
While it may be tempting, giving kids stuff just for turning up is different to ensuring their self esteem is high. I’m not against giving them something, just don’t lie to them. Yes, it’s a lie even when it’s well intentioned. I still have medals somewhere for coming second in a two boy swim and finishing a long distance run long after almost everyone else had changed out of their sports gear. They were on different days in case you think I did some kind of Junior Iron Man competition. It helped me feel part of the team, it acknowledged my effort and made me feel cared for. But I never seriously thought it was for sporting achievement and it was partly an embarrassment as it symbolised trying rather than winning.
I’m not convinced you’ll fool the child. You may even deliver the meta-messages that you don’t even think of them as a serious competitor and that you think childish and foolish. Most importantly, you may miss that while self-confidence is about believing you can achieve things, self-esteem is about how you feel about yourself. It’s the bit after they get the medal. If they know they are being shielded, not considered capable of winning and they have no evidence of actual learning or achieving, how are they going to get self-esteem?
Shielding children from most competitions and challenges does not help them develop the skills to deal with challenges when you’re not around. Rich children can be very insecure when they realise they have been shielded.
Reality happens; to you and to your child. Self-esteem comes from acknowledgement of reality, accepting your strengths and having realistic expectations.
Remember the Truman Show film? Would Jim Carey thank the people who altered his reality and made him do all that work to make sense of what reality was?
Piaget: “Every time we teach a child something, we prevent him from inventing it himself.”
Maybe I should have just said that.
Tags:Self esteem is not
